The HIV Support Centre

LIVING POSITIVELY WITH HIV

(Taken from article in THE SUNDAY)

 

When we read stories of people living with HIV we are nearly always given the horror stories of the disease and over the years it has been linked with the gay community only. 

 

The reality is, HIV affects both men and women, gay and straight and the latest figures for Northern Ireland clearly show that the fastest growing rates for the disease is among young heterosexual women aged 14 – 29 years.  I'm in that age bracket, many readers of this article are in this age bracket, my younger sister is, cousins and friends – that the reality of HIV. 

 

When I read that The HIV Support Centre in Belfast was holding a meeting in Derry on Thursday night I had no idea where my research would lead me.  On Thursday afternoon I rang The HIV Support Centre and was put on to John, a man living with HIV. 

 

John openly told me his story but unlike many other stories I've heard, he didn't dwell on the horrors, his message was clear from the outset – get people educated and show people you can live with the disease, but its up to you how. 

"Ten years ago on the 7 October 1997 I was diagnosed.  I got a call and I knew right away that I had it, the person tried to deny it but I just knew.  I take full responsibility for it, I neglected my own sexual health and I had a responsibility to myself.  Yeah, it was then they dropped the bombshell and the only way to describe that feeling is you can either sink or swim with it.  There's a gap between living with HIV negative or HIV positive and I made the decision that I'm going to beat this thing".  It hasn't been easy, I spent two years after that walking around in a daze and it was hard dealing with the practical things.  Thinks like informing my family and friends, paying my bills, working, how you're affected mentally and your mental state within work and that prospect of whom you're gong to tell"

 

The 40 year – old told the SUNDAY what the reaction was like from his friends and family, he said "I've had friends for what ever reasons, who've abandoned me, but I've been very lucky in that my friends, my father, sister and brother-in-law were all great.  My mum had a bit of difficulty at the start but she came around and its very important to have that safe environment.  I'm also extremely lucky in the fact that I was born and diagnosed here.  If I had been born in Africa I'd have been well dead by now.  Look at what's available to me, the medication, and the support, I do feel lucky in that sense". 

 

Even with his bright outlook, the volunteer worker at The Centre said he does get days when he wishes he never had the disease:  "It was life changing to an extend that there's days I sit and cry and say 'I don't want this' and there's times I think even if it went away for a day just to give me a rest but that's never going to happen, I know that.

 

"But it has strengthened my character, I have a good fighting spirit, I have self esteem, I have a louder voice and I've got great faith.  This entire province has suffered injustice over the years but you have to ask yourself if you're going to grow bitter over it or move on.  For me, in this respect I moved on.  I have a strong faith and it has in a sense, brought me through, I think, 'my family and friends are putting up with me' and that makes all the difference."

 

The global emblem for HIV campaigns is the red ribbon, which first became prominent at the 1991 Tony Awards in America when actor Jeremy Irons wore one.  Over the years the wearing of ribbon has declined. 

 

John said after a time the ribbon lost its 'compassionate' meaning and instead gained a 'gay meaning' as John points out: "we (the HIV Support Centre) campaigned last year for the red ribbon.  My aim was to get the Red Ribbon out there, for some reason it began to have a symbol for being gay or having HIV – it means having compassion.  It means the person wearing it doesn't mind sharing the same toilet or using my cutlery.  The campaign has to be continued and happing all the time until they find a vaccination or a cure.  The words you can use and the stories you tell are important.  Great things are happening here at this organisation and it has a responsibility for putting the red ribbon on the map again and they have a huge responsibility to educate". 

 

John who is now studying in Indian Head massage to help him 'get out of the benefit trap' he found himself in hammers home the reality of HIV in Northern Ireland, he told the SUNDAY: "Globally it is a heterosexual disease and the only reason it seems more prominent in the gay community is because gay men will go and get tested.  Ignoring the fact you might have it will spread it. At this organisation we're not trying to reach out to people like more or the staff what work here, but those in housing estates, schools, into the communities you know?"